Garden Gal

Note To Self

2010-11-01T18:13:00.000-07:00

Today I looked in my notebook that holds my brains on hard copy for anything I need to list or remember, and found a note I had written to myself. I desperately needed to be reminded of these things I wrote after reading Matthew 14:24-36.

Dear Stacey,

It's Peter's initial question about whether or not it was the Christ who came upon them on the Sea of Galilee that led him to ask Jesus to prove Himself. Once Jesus invited him onto the waters, the winds were blowing and Peter became afraid. He was overcome by doubt in Christ's ability to save him from natural forces. The chain of events that led to Peter sinking were brought about by seeds of doubt. You're no different!

If you question who God is, then do not expect Him to prove himself through easy circumstance. That's foolishness! Life will always bring storms of one kind or another. You will face times of adversity for the rest of your stay here on this Earth. The question is this, Will you fear when you see the natural course of sin's impact? Will you trust that the Lord is strong enough to handle even the roughest of elements?

Do not doubt!!!!! Do not!!!!

Always,

Stacey

I need to write these things down more, so I can surprise myself after I forget what I've done. Wait a minute, is this a good thing, or a bad thing?

I'm Back

2010-03-13T14:20:00.000-08:00

This is what I've been doing since I last blogged...

Enjoy!

2010-03-06T05:38:00.001-08:00

Adoption

2009-05-13T04:02:00.000-07:00

Over the past many years, it seems that I have heard more about adoption than I ever have. My life has been touched by adoption on many levels. I've seen it done well, I've seen the adoption be received by the children adopted with gratitude, I've seen the adoptee struggle over the biological parent's perceived rejection, and struggle to embrace the love and care of the adoptive parent, I've felt the loss of a sibling I never knew, I've faced adoption as a potential option in an unexpected pregnancy, along with many other situations.

In all the scenarios I've seen, none seem to be more painful than the ones where either a child was adopted for reasons other than a pure desire to love, nurture, and train a child and launch them into adulthood, or the ones where the parent strives to truly be a parent to the child and the child simply won't have it, they are so hung up on the loss of the biological parent who simply couldn't or wouldn't play the role the child longed for them to play, and has built a fantasy about, so the adoptive parent never quite seems to make the cut. The child continually rejects the parents love and won't forgive for mistakes. There seems to be no ability in this type scenarios for the adoptee to step back and take an objective look at the fact that they were born to one individual, and another, who had no REAL moral responsibility to them made a clear, decisive decision to take that person on as their own, to make a commitment that is binding in every way, and make that person their child.

Recently I had opportunity to touch the heartache of what it is like to have a parent that really never signed up for the role, and did just enough to keep the child alive. I grappled with what I was seeing, the injustice of it all, the heart of the child toward the parent, the loyalty and unconditional love they felt for the parent, and the understanding of what a child needs from a parent beyond food, water, shelter, and enough clothing to get by. I was asking questions that demanded answers. I was talking to my husband about my struggle and in usual fashion, he challenged me to view this whole thing from another angle, to ask questions other than the one I was asking. Quite simply, he asked me to ask the Lord "Why would you bother to adopt this individual? Why would you bother to be as faithful to this person as you have been? Why would you bother to step in to such a messy situation and care, love, rescue, provide for, and redeem?" As I began to ponder these questions, that demanded an answer from ME. I had to conclude that the Lord loves this individual more than I can really ever know, that He cares more than I can fathom, and that my questions are all coming from the wrong perspective, they are questions that really have no satisfactory answer this side of Glory.

As my perspective has begun to shift, I have thought much about what it looks like in adoptive families when a child embraces an adoptive parent, when they are appreciative for the love and care that they have been given, it requires me to put away childish thinking.

Thank you Father for adopting me, for grafting me in. Teach me to relax in that, and live from it.

Need More!

2009-03-19T16:04:00.000-07:00

My suburban homesteading middle child (John Deere) declared that last year's raised bed was simply not enough room for him. He appealed to his father and I to allow him another plot, real land. We granted him his request and the Dawg tilled up his plot this afternoon. John Deere and I ran to Lowe's this evening to pick up cinder blocks ($1.39 each) and landscape timbers (on sale for $1.97 each) a total cost of about $40 for a fence (of sorts) that will keep our dog out, and will allow us to put up netting to deter any other unwelcome "guests". I will keep you updated on this venture through this growing season.

Sleeping Garden

2009-03-12T18:48:00.001-07:00

2009-03-08T20:20:00.000-07:00

Spring is on the way. This sparks a hope that is so fresh, yet feels vulnerable.

I'm so ready to get out in the dirt, plant seeds, water, and weed, then watch the Lord work His remarkable plan of creation out in front of me. Just when I start to doubt that the seeds I planted will sprout, up they pop. The Lord really is faithful. He is true, and He is more kind than we can fathom. He loves us so.

Lord teach me to love you more, and better.

It Is Well With My Soul

2009-01-21T19:27:00.000-08:00

Horratio Spafford
1873

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,No pang shall be mine,
for in death as in lifeThou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Totally RandomThoughts

2009-01-13T02:39:00.000-08:00

*Why is it that when I try to get up earlier that my children get up earlier too?

*God is very big and in control, even when things around me seem to be spinning out of control.

*The heart is far more fragile than most would believe and yet more tenacious than we can fathom.

*I love suprises.

*I miss the garden.

*God's creation brings a comfort like nothing else. A healing balm.

*Discipline is under-rated.

*You just never know what someone else may be battling, what kind of shadows they may be chasing, or what ghosts they may be sparring with.

*The Lord really does have our days numbered and is in absolute control over our lives ultimately.

*I am so very thankful for the man I married and the particular 3 children the Lord so graciously gifted us with.

*We may be getting a new roof today.

*I want snow.

*Sometimes I want to move far, far away.

*If we don't go out to dinner tonight, it's baked potatoes and salad.

*I need more coffee and a shower.

Food For Thought

2008-11-04T05:33:00.001-08:00

It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.

~Voltaire, 1751

Tag, You're It!

2008-10-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

I got tagged for this meme by Shan over at http://halfsoledboots.blogspot.com/.

Here are the rules:

The meme works like this:1) Link to the person who tagged you2) Mention the rules3) Tell six quirky yet boring, unspectacular details about yourself4) Tag six other bloggers by linking to them5) Go to each person’s blog and leave a comment that lets them know they’ve been tagged.

1. I love to watch public access TV. Local churches, County Commissioners meetings, Agricultural Extension specials.

2. I can't stand to sleep alone.

3. My jaw pops when I chew due to TMJ.

4. I have this obsession about clothes smelling good, so I use nice smelling detergent and fabric softener sheets.

5. I hang my feet off the end of my bed and rock them back and forth as I try to fall asleep or rub them together, especially when I'm cold.

6. Along with everyone else in America, I would love to write a book one day. I don't know what it would be about. It wouldn't be a work of fiction though.

Now, I tag Missy, Marsha, and Laura.

Slapin' Grandma Goodness

2008-09-28T17:47:00.000-07:00

While I'm posting recipes, I may as well share this one that I just put together. With the economy in the shape it's in, I figure I better be teaching my kids to love the "old" recipes so that they can be resourceful in years to come, and have quality of life in the midst of hard times. I want them to have the ability to pull together a smashing dinner with very little on hand.

Bread Pudding:

2 cu. milk

1/4 cu. butter

2/3 cu sugar

3 eggs

2 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg

1 tsp. vanilla

3 cu. bread (I used 1 loaf of Italian bread cut up into 1" cubes)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Heat milk until film forms on top. Add butter. Stir until butter is melted. Cool to lukewarm. Mix sugar, eggs, cinnamon, nutmeg, and vanilla well. Put bread in casserole dish. Slowly add the milk mixture to the sugar mixture and mix well. Pour over the bread. Bake 45-50 min. Let sit for 10 min. Pour Whiskey Sauce or whipped cream over top and serve.

Whiskey Sauce:

1 1/2 cu. Heavy cream

2 tsp corn starch

2 tbsp. cold water

1/3 cu. sugar

1/3 cu Bourbon (I used Honey Whiskey. Mmmm!!)

Slowly add water to corn starch while stirring until well blended. Set aside. Have sugar measured and handy. Have whiskey handy. Bring cream to boil. Add corn starch mix to cream and whisk constantly. Return to boil. Reduce heat, whisk, and cook for 30 sec. DON'T BURN!!!

Remove from heat. Add sugar and whiskey. Stir until sugar melts. Let cool.

2008-09-27T10:35:00.001-07:00

Here are 2 of my favorite Fall recipes.

Enjoy!!!

Layered Pumpkin Bread

2008-09-27T10:24:00.001-07:00

Missy posted this recipe last year. I've altered it a bit.

Bread:

1 1/2 cu. flour

1/2 tsp. salt

1 cu. sugar

1 tsp. baking soda

1 cu. pumpkin

1/2 cu. canola oil

2 eggs beaten

1/4 cu water

1/4 tsp. nutmeg

1/4 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp allspice

nuts (optional)

Filling:

1 pkg. cream cheese

2 tbsp granulated sugar

1 egg white

Preheat oven to 350 Degrees F. Sift together the flour, salt, sugar, and baking soda. Mix the pumpkin, oil, eggs, water, and spices together, then combine with the dry ingredients, but do not mix too thoroughly. Stir in the nuts (if you're using them). Beat filling in a separate bowl until well blended. Grease loaf pan well or 4 mini-loaves. Pour half of the batter into pan. Spoon half of the filling mixture evenly over the center of the batter. Cover with remaining pumpkin batter.

Bake 50-60 min. Until straw comes out clean. Turn out of pan. Cool on rack. Serve warm or cold!

Spice Cookies with Pumpkin Dip

2008-09-27T10:05:00.000-07:00

Cookies:
1 1/2 cu. butter, softened
2 cu. sugar
1/2 cu. molasses
4 cu. all-purpose flour
2 eggs
4 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. ground cinnamon (or more, if you like)
1 tsp. ground ginger
1 tsp. cloves
1 tsp. salt
additional sugar

Dip:
1 8oz. block cream cheese softened
1 can pumpkin or pumpkin pie mix (18 oz)
2 cu. confectioners sugar
1/2 to 1 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/4 to 1/2 tsp. ground ginger

Instructions:
Cookies: Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cream butter and sugar. Add eggs one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Add molasses. Mix well. Combine flour, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, and salt. Add to creamed mixture. Mix well. Chill (at least 3 hrs.) Shape into 1/2 inch balls. Roll in sugar. Press. Place 2" apart on cookie sheet. I lightly sprayed mine. Bake 6 min. Yield: about 20 doz. *you can store in the refrigerator for a couple of weeks.

Dip: Beat cream cheese until smooth. Add pumpkin. Beat well. Add sugar, cinnamon, and ginger. Beat until smooth. Serve with cookies. Yield: 3 cu. * Store in the refrigerator.

2008-09-17T06:37:00.000-07:00

I never notice how loud we are around here until it is time to turn on the attic fan, and open the windows.

Grandma's House

2008-08-28T06:31:00.000-07:00

We're off to Grandma's in TN this weekend.

Streams In The Desert Devotional

2008-08-19T06:06:00.000-07:00

19) Strength From the Sorrow

"Now it came to pass after the death of Moses,
the servant of the Lord, that the Lord spake unto
Joshua, the son of Nun, Moses' minister, saying,
Moses my servant is dead; now, therefore arise,
go over this Jordan, thou and all this people"
(Joshua 1:1-2).

Sorrow came to you yesterday, and emptied your
home. Your first impulse now is to give up, and
sit down in despair amid the wrecks of your
hopes. But you dare not do it. You are in the
line of battle, and the crisis is at hand. To
falter a moment would be to imperil some holy
interest. Other lives would be harmed by your
pausing, holy interests would suffer, should your
hands be folded. You must not linger even to
indulge your grief.

A distinguished general related this pathetic
incident of his own experience in time of war.
The general's son was a lieutenant of battery. An
assault was in progress. The father was leading
his division in a charge; as he pressed on in the
field, suddenly his eye was caught by the sight
of a dead battery-officer lying just before him.
One glance showed him it was his own son. His
fatherly impulse was to stop beside the loved
form and give vent to his grief, but the duty of
the moment demanded that he should press on in
the charge; so, quickly snatching one hot kiss
from the dead lips, he hastened away, leading his
command in the assault.

Weeping inconsolably beside a grave can never
give back love's banished treasure, nor can any
blessing come out of such sadness. Sorrow makes
deep scars; it writes its record ineffaceably on
the heart which suffers. We really never get over
our great griefs; we are never altogether the
same after we have passed through them as we were
before. Yet there is a humanizing and fertilizing
influence in sorrow which has been rightly
accepted and cheerfully borne. Indeed, they are
poor who have never suffered, and have none of
sorrow's marks upon them. The joy set before us
should shine upon our grief as the sun shines
through the clouds, glorifying them. God has so
ordered, that in pressing on in duty we shall
find the truest, richest comfort for ourselves.
Sitting down to brood over our sorrows, the
darkness deepens about us and creeps into our
heart, and our strength changes to weakness. But,
if we turn away from the gloom, and take up the
tasks and duties to which God calls us, the light
will come again, and we shall grow stronger.
--J. R. Miller

Thou knowest that through our tears
Of hasty, selfish weeping
Comes surer sin, and for our petty fears
Of loss thou hast in keeping
A greater gain than all of which we dreamed;
Thou knowest that in grasping
The bright possessions which so precious seemed
We lose them; but if, clasping
Thy faithful hand, we tread with steadfast feet
The path of thy appointing,
There waits for us a treasury of sweet
Delight, royal anointing
With oil of gladness and of strength.
--Helen Hunt Jackson

Fresh From the Garden

2008-08-18T13:22:00.000-07:00

Here are some veggies I decided to roast. They (butternut squash, okra, tomato, eggplant) are all from our garden, except for the spring onions.

Funny Stuff

2008-08-15T12:15:00.001-07:00

Over on Missy's blog, she posted all her findings after going to Google and typing in her name and "needs". I did the same and here's what I found:

Stacey needs:

some love.

a buddy too.

help getting her name out there.

new shoes.

a hobby.

to update.

you to help her fulfill her Olympic dreams.

posh NYC digs to further her writing career.

her own space in a playing area.

to be just a beginning.

to be awake to audition for Alan Brady.

to "bless" my life long friend.

to be convicted and sat across from me so I can watch her drink the same drink she gave her 3 victims.

the support of Baby-sitters Club when the pressure of home, school, and work pile up.

understanding, not rejection.

help.

to buy a new dress.

to curb her food intake.

to be smacked.

a haircut.

the words of a book read aloud to her.

a shopping cart.

some toning.

to have a parent assigned to her by the court.

Backyard Bounty

2008-08-07T08:10:00.001-07:00

Project Clean Out

2008-07-30T15:44:00.000-07:00

Day 1: Linen Closet

Before:
After:

$9.99 Sanity

2008-07-19T18:10:00.000-07:00

To most, this may just look like 3 cups and bowls. Look again my friend. It's a Mother's solution to the tremendous frustration of excessive cup usage.

COLOR CODE.

You can run, but you can't hide...

Dawg Art

2008-07-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

The Dawg took the camera out to the garden and took some photos of his own...

Grace for the Journey

2008-07-10T07:57:00.000-07:00

Since this Spring I have been rather quiet in blogdom. I have been mulling over much in this grey matter of mine. Back in the early months of the Spring I had a relapse of the inner ear junk that caused some anxiety a while back. It came back in force and caused me to have a panic attack with much anxiety, and some other difficulties. I also had a child turn 14. For some reason this presented me with MUCH struggle. The struggle was in no way with the child, but in the letting go of the child and embracing the young man he is becoming. I have begun this process and am enjoying the letting go more as I am seeing the blessings of God's design in this order...I let go, he takes up responsibility. BEAUTIFUL!!! Simple, not easy. The Lord used the illness to force me to begin to really let go.

I have been pondering these last many months, the whole idea of grace. I started meeting with a lady from my church about a year and a half ago. We've been reading books together and discussing. She is around 60, one of the godliest women I have ever known, a consummate woman, sweet, and petite. About as opposite from me as you can get. This woman has lived through many hard things and has come out loving Jesus and others more. She never talks about sin, hers or anyone else's without also talking of the Grace of God. This woman makes me so hungry for more of Christ's life lived through my own. Many days it feels like I need a complete person transplant to be anything like her. Tis true! Back in early Spring, a couple of weeks before my illness struck, we were talking about many things, and she was talking about how as a parent it all boils down to grace. I've heard many parents that have raised and launched their children speak with this glow about God's grace. Honestly (and I've since shared this with her) I've always privately thought "come on, get real, you KNOW you want to accept some of the credit for how well your kid turned out". I see now how short sighted that perspective is and am so very thankful I've never said that out loud. It DOES boil down to God's grace. For me, and for my children. For everyone. If my children follow the Lord, it's because they have seen their need of Him, and are making the choice to follow Him. If they don't it is God's grace they need to turn (or return) to. It's grace that will keep me loving them, praying for them, seeking Him for the grace to go on despite their choice to leave what we desired for them, what their Father in Heaven desires for them, and what they were taught. It's all about GRACE!!!

Recently I have been confronted with the need to extend grace. I received a phone call from a person that has done much harm financially (both directly and indirectly) to my husband, and thus to our whole family. I thought I was "over" it. Apparently I'm not as far along as I thought I was. This person called and needed some spiritual encouragement and advice. I did the right thing and gave them the only thing I have...Jesus, and His ultimate sacrifice on the cross and desire to have intimate fellowship with them. Later that day I had so many thoughts flood my mind of what I SHOULD have said (if you know me well, you know what this looks like). Thankfully, I came back to my desire for this person to be in right relationship with the Lord. Not only was it necessary to extend grace, but I need it to keep me from bitterness. I didn't come into this world with anything, and I won't leave with anything. It's just stuff. JUST money!!! Then several nights ago I had a conversation with someone in my family that I have looked at through eyes of judgement for many of my years on this planet. Especially, since I've been a parent. It is easy to look back when you are a parent and judge decisions made on your behalf with a bit of pride (whether right or wrong) thinking "I would have NEVER done it like that". I was listening to this person tell me how they have been reliving being sexually abused at 11 by a person of the same sex. WOW!!!! I knew stuff went wrong in this person's childhood, but had NO idea. Later that night, I just sat up thinking about all that this person said to me and thought about how life must have been for this person during all those years I was being impacted directly by their life and decisions. As an adult, I can kick off my own Birks and slide my foot into theirs and imagine what life must have been for them, and rejoice over what they DID do for my good, no matter how big or small. By God's grace I was able to move beyond my long held position (with hands on hips) of "well you SHOULD have...". Yeah, so what!! Grace, it's all about grace. I need it. I need to give it. I want to be judged through a lens of grace. I must extend it.

In each instance here, I feel like the Lord is teaching me to look at long roads both behind and before that sometimes look rather dusty and desolate and stake grace posts along the way. The cross!!! It all goes back to the cross. I can receive forgiveness, grace and mercy there. I can leave my hurts, bitterness and wounds there and walk away free and healed.

The Lord is a much different Father than I have thought Him to be. He is far more generous, much more loving, and desires much better for me than I can even begin to imagine. He ISN'T selfish, and won't give me anything that is broken down. The stuff that gets broken down is the stuff that sin touches. That is where the cross comes in.

Thank you loving Father for that cross. Teach and enable me to live there more than I ever have.

Good-bye

2008-06-28T20:02:00.001-07:00

Tonight our family had a good-bye dinner with Ames' family. I feel full of emotion. Our whole family is full of emotion. I stood on the porch as my daughter grabbed me in a hug and started to cry. I brought her in, rocked her, and cried with her. I watched as my eldest son sought to choke back tears unsuccessfully, and my middle fella' fidget until it was time to come hug me goodnight and he fell apart in the safety of my hug and rocking chair. It's hard enough to explain to children how life works, as it is. It is even harder to explain good-byes. I've always hated good-byes. I remember the first time I had to say a major good-bye was when Missy moved to GA. I was devastated. We have maintained a wonderful friendship, and I've explained to my kids that they can do the same with Ames' gals. Heck, maybe we will end up In-laws one day!!!! :)

I can remember when our children were just infants. Ames nursing, using cloth diapers, and doing everything so natural. I loved all the ideas, but used disposable diapers, bottles, and formula. Honestly, I felt a bit intimidated by just how together she was, and so calm and pretty doing it. I remember sitting on the floor with our toddlers. I remember a time when we didn't talk about much that was personal. Oh, we still had great conversation, and I loved how quick witted she was. She has only grown to be more masterful in her witty quips. I love it!

My friendship with Ames changed several years ago, after nearly losing her to this life. At that point, I knew I wanted to get to know her better and was so very thankful that God had spared her life. Ames and I began to talk more, and about deeper matters. I began to realize she was more like me than I ever imagined. A couple of years later we would go through another trying ordeal that would bring us even closer, Ames loved me when I was fire spitting mad, and cussing my way through my days. Ames allowed me some much needed space to be very real, and was real with me about how she struggled with the same matter. I think some of life's struggles provide us with stronger relational glue than others. I believe we've waded through some of those waters together.

Ames is such a godly example of a woman, a wife, a mother, and a friend. She truly is a friend that points me back to Christ. Either through God's word, prayer, or my husband's leadership. I treasure this in my friendship with her. She loves God, and loves others. She's honest, and trustworthy. What more could you ask for in a friend?

Ames, thank you for so many years of friendship, fellowship, and love at a close distance. I look forward to the coming years and all they have in store for our families on the next leg of our respective journeys here. Though you won't be as close at hand, I feel certain our hearts will stay knitted in love.

May the grace of our Lord be with you, now and always may you stay blameless till He comes. May the Love of God, and the intimate friendship of the Holy Spirit be with you...

I love you girl!

Square Foot Gardens

2008-06-27T07:12:00.000-07:00

Pictoral Update

2008-06-19T11:23:00.000-07:00

2008-06-06T11:01:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been seeking to focus on the things that make me feel rich. No, not money, but the things I look at and gain simple pleasure from. We all need pleasure, and what I think I may need, or what I may imagine as the best pleasure for me may not be what the Lord has for me at this time. I am not wanting to miss those pleasures He DOES have for me to enjoy right at hand.

I've been praying for a table so I can eat my breakfast in the garden. I forgot that I already had one stored away. I set a budget of $20 for table/chairs/table cloth, etc. I used the table I had, and went to a thrift shop in town today to pick up 2 chairs. I paid $5 each and got a table cloth for $1. I love being frugal and finding inexpensive treasures.

I've always wanted a clothesline. I had one post in my yard already. A neighbor was fussing one day to me about her husband tearing up her lawn in the back. She walked me out and there, lying on the ground were 2 metal clothesline poles. The ones you can't buy anymore. I asked her what she was going to do with them. She told me she would have her husband drop them off. He did when Ames' husband and FIL had stopped by to pick something up, so the Lord even provided me the manpower to haul the heavy posts back and load one into the car of a passersby. I am enjoying hanging out the clothes each day. It sort of makes me feel like a 50's housewife. I just wish there were other wives/mothers out hanging their clothes at the same time, then gathering at the fence to chat, or meeting for tea/coffee at 10:00. That is a time gone by, but I can still enjoy the simple pleasure of clothes blowing in the wind and the amazing smell of clothes that have dried on the line.

A simple life with simple pleasures...a good life!

The rest of the pictures...

2008-06-01T18:19:00.000-07:00

2008-05-27T18:24:00.000-07:00

2008-05-13T08:56:00.001-07:00

Sanford and Son stopped by this morning and hauled off the fridge. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

Really????

2008-05-12T12:45:00.000-07:00

Within the last hour, my next door neighbor's Landlord dropped this old, nasty refrigerator in front of MY house. He has about 6 ft. of property in front of my house. This is only symptomatic of the larger problem with this property.

I've called the City to come pick it up. Today is our pick up day (they come around 8:00 am). They are wrapping up their day, so it is quite likely that they won't get here until next Monday. If they don't come until next week, I have a plan.

Stay tuned...

Family

2008-05-05T09:48:00.001-07:00

Some friends introduced our family to a smashing game. It's called Family. Here's how it's played...

Everyone writes a name on a piece of paper. Make sure it's a name that isn't one people would expect from you (Grandma may want to write down MC Hammer for her name). A Reader reads all the names from the hat/jar. Then go around the room guessing who picked what name. Each person gets a turn (excluding the Reader). If a person guesses the correct name, that player becomes part of the guesser's "family". The one that guessed correctly is the head of the family. He will tell the team members his name. They will then collaborate about remaining players. If you guess the name of the head of a family correctly, you get the whole family, and become it's head. A turn of guessing continues until a wrong guess. Play continues around room. The next person to guess correctly becomes head of another "family". Last man/family standing wins!

This is by far one of the best crowd mixers I've ever played. Give it a go, and let me know what you think.

2008-05-02T12:36:00.000-07:00

Name It

I need your help. I am going to try my hand at a little cottage industry with my eldest child installing these raised organic gardens in the greater Charlotte, NC area. I need a catchy name. Put your minds on it, send your ideas to me @ Hcksbanjer@aol.com. I will send the winner a prize. Thanks!!!!

Playtime

2008-04-30T11:22:00.000-07:00

Today my eldest built a sandbox for my younger 2 children. I hope this gives them as many hours of fun as my sandbox gave me when I was a kid.

Square Foot Garden Update

2008-04-29T19:01:00.001-07:00

As of today, the kids have lettuce (4), peppers (2), tomato, and potatoes(4). Looking good!!!

2008-04-29T11:22:00.001-07:00

What do you do when you have soft ground from a good soaking rain, children with loads of extra energy from being indoors on the rainy days, full sun, and cool temps?

You send the kids out to plant blueberry bushes!!!!

Ewww...

2008-04-28T10:42:00.000-07:00

I hope you enjoy the pictures in the next post. This is what happened when I went out to take them.

Welcome Back

2008-04-28T10:33:00.000-07:00

This weekend the Dawg tilled our garden, and I planted medicinal herbs. It was like being welcomed home after being away for a while.

Look It

2008-04-13T18:04:00.000-07:00

Last night I finished my so (short O sound). There's no ck because it isn't a sock. It was supposed to be, but I wasn't following a pattern. It was my first attempt. I did too many decreases in my gusset. You can't tell from this photo, but these are the Spanx of footwear.

Let me know if you need a pair. I just know these are going to be all the rage, and I'll be a rich knittin' chick.

Back To Life

2008-04-07T18:06:00.000-07:00

The Dawg and I returned from our trip to Charleston, SC almost a week ago. We had an absolutely wonderful time. It was exactly what the Dr. ordered.

Since I've been home, I've been craving these.

I caved tonight and made them. I do love a hot cinnamon bun.

I was thrilled to come home to these...

They're Knit Picks circular needles. I love 'em!!! They knit like buttah.

I was stunned today when my middle child asked if I would help him organize his room. He just wanted me to instruct him, then let him move the furniture more to his liking. The result...

My final blogworthy item since coming home is that I have been working on a sock. I turned the heel last night, worked on the gusset and saw that I had my work turned all funny and ended up with 2 rows of purl stitch that should have been a knit stitch. I ripped several rows today, feeling quite ill while doing so. I put the work away for a few days, until I can come back to it with a brighter outlook.

Back to life as normal.

2008-03-29T05:01:00.000-07:00

We're off to Charleston, Sc. See ya' Tuesday!!!!

Getting Ready

2008-03-24T19:10:00.000-07:00

This weekend, while in Tn, I picked up several varieties of Zinnias, Mammoth and Velvet Queen Sunflowers, Soybeans, 1/2 Runner, and Peanut Beans (green beans), along with some Okra. I can't wait to plant!

Motherhood

2008-03-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

The other night as I sat in a theatre listening to sweet melodies I felt waves come over me of wanting to just sit there and sob. No one thing was bothering me. I didn't even really feel bothered. I just felt overwhelmed by life. It was one of those weeks where it was only Wednesday and it felt like it should be Friday. The Dawg was teaching after a full day of work on the day before the concert, and the day after. The kids were missing him. The kids were having a terrible time getting along. I was feeling impatient, just wanting them to perform well, and make me feel like I was making a real difference. I was keenly aware of finances, time pressures, areas in the lives of our kids that I can't control, and honestly, want to. Many other pressures not worth listing. I wanted so badly to just sit there and let the pressure off. I seem to need to do this about once a month. I am learning to take time, get in my car, drive for a little while, play a sad song, and have a good cry. I don't like to cry, but it sure helps when I feel that Mom pressure thing. I know it's that because after I let the valve go, my world is suddenly better, and brighter. A much happier place. I didn't cry because I knew my daughter, sitting beside me would be concerned, and my husband was already checking me to see if I was crying. I swollowed hard and kept my game face on.

I have had several conversations of late with various people about many things pertaining to Motherhood. One was with a friend whose parents have divorced recently. We discussed what her mother's life could have been like if she hadn't spent so long with her dad trying to make things work for the kids. That sparked thoughts about that woman as a woman, not just "my friend's mom". I know that is strange, but as a kid, I didn't really see my Mom, or my friend's mothers as women or individuals. They were "just moms". I guess that meant in my mind that they were doing all they had ever dreamed of, were loving every minute of it, and were absolutely fulfilled. That is odd to me now, but I must have felt that way, as is evidenced by how hard I've been struck by the thoughts of many women/mothers in my life that I had no thought of as individuals with hopes, dreams, desires, joys, disappointments, and fears. WOW!!

I move along to thoughts of my own mother, and I must say, she set an example of a woman that was doing what her heart longed to do since she was a little girl. She was fulfilling her dream. Mother of 3. It's inspiring to think how she planted seeds in my heart that I began to build dreams around. Dreams of being a wife and mother, and feeling fulfilled within the roles. My mom has expressed that she didn't have dreams of doing something else, just for things to have worked out better in her marriage to my dad, and to have been able to live the dreams she built. What a grief that still has to be.

I had another conversation with someone who from my vantage point lives a pretty exciting life. A life where dreams and hard work are coming together beautifully. A life of very little responsibility for anyone save herself, yet she wondered out loud to me if when all is said and done, she will regret not having children, not having a family, and seeing that she really does think she wants a family. I can only imagine that for this gal, the road here to there seems VERY LONG. It would involve so many life changes, so many good-byes. Odd to think of.

Another person had some observations more of my husband than me, but did make mention of their time with our family and sees it as the "good life". If I'm completely honest, I have to agree. Though not the perfect life, not a life without pressure, and a life that at times feels like we may be chasing rainbows, since we have made many choices for our family that are rather counter cultural. In the end it is working, I AM living my dreams, and am living a life full of purpose, while doing what I WANT to be doing.

This motherhood thing, while not for everyone, it does indeed make for a good life.

Visit

2008-03-15T16:15:00.001-07:00

This picture was taken back in September when the Everybodyfields were passing through and stopped in for lunch and a short visit.

We went to their show in Charlotte Wednesday night. They were playing with a band we've never seen before, the Greencards. What a great night of music we enjoyed.

They stopped in Thursday for lunch and several hours of visiting and play. They played on the tire swing, rode bikes, jumped the ramp, sat around telling stories, played Lego, and just chilled for a bit. It was great to get to know each of them a little better as people, not just listening to them as performers. They're a great bunch, and we look forward to more visits in the future.

You guys come back anytime!

Science Project

2008-03-15T10:51:00.000-07:00

This week our oldest child built these boxes for a science project all 3 of our children are doing this year. They will see if this type of gardening by the square foot is really more productive than the traditional row gardening.

I'll keep you updated.

Leaving

2008-03-04T04:38:00.000-08:00

Getting these birds raised, and out of the nest is a process. I know that from the moment my children took their first step, they started walking away. Leaving, if you will. That is most certainly part of my job, raising them to leave. Putting myself out of a job. It is constant, hard at times, wonderful, joyful, and sad all at the same time.

Of late I've noticed some new behaviors going on with our oldest. To be quite honest, I've been feeling very bugged by what I've seen. Nothing that is flat out wrong, just an attitude that I haven't understood. He is about to turn 14. He is becoming a man and ready to start leaving the nest. It IS exciting at one level, yet it leaves me with a need to let go of him and let go of my role in his life in a whole new way. While that's exciting, it's sad too. There are aspects of his life he wants to run, and others I am still very much running. So much of the struggle is the simple fact that he no longer wants to be told what to do. He will learn that he will be told what to do by SOMEBODY for the rest of his life. I'm all for letting go, we're just in the process of me letting go, and him taking hold.

More than anything, I've been impressed and even convicted of the need to pray through so much with him. When our kids are younger they seem to take the things we say, trust that they are absolutely true and right, think we're so smart, and agree with everything we say. This is good for my ego. As they get older they want to think for themselves, even if they are saying things that are flat out dumb! This is not good for my ego.

This week I've kept my mouth shut, and just been praying about the things I see. Yesterday I was able to ask a simple question about something I could tell had bothered him with an individual. Something that brought every bit of his struggle front and center. It became such a teaching moment. He was wide open, and I was reminded of something vital that I had forgotten. TALK WHILE DRIVING OR COOKING. I remember with my step-daughters that was the best time to talk about something that was hard to discuss. It was non-threatening for them to sit on the counter or washing machine(we have an old house and mine is in my kitchen) and talk when I was "busy". I think it took the feeling of being confronted out of the mix. After our talk, and having the opportunity to clearly spell out things I know are at play with him, and him giving me that look (the one I love!) that says "Wow, you KNEW that?" things felt so much better between us, and I had this sense that at a whole new level I was letting go, giving another nudge out of the nest, and he was fluffing his feathers and getting those wings ready to fly.

Lord, grant us the grace to launch these children to your care and will. Keep us and them at it.

Yes!!

2008-02-27T16:54:00.001-08:00

As many of you know, I'm fighting the Battle of the Bulge. I have been doing Weight Watchers for 4 weeks now, and have lost 7 lbs, 9 since January 1. I'm pleased.

This has not, in any way, felt like a diet. I am just making lifestyle changes that are necessary for good health, and the rest is falling in place.

I'm enjoying the journey! A great place to be.

Psalm 121

2008-02-21T08:28:00.000-08:00

I will lift up my eyes to the hills
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.

Jessica

2008-02-17T05:51:00.001-08:00

The kindness of the Lord leads to repentance.

As most of you know, when I was 19 yrs. old I gave birth to my oldest child. I was unwed, scared, and acutely aware of the responsibility that came with a child. I had no clue what I was doing, but unashamed to ask women I had tremendous respect for those simple, yet terribly complex questions about just what it was I was supposed to be doing with this gift of life entrusted to me, and how I was to execute this awesome new role.

Fast forward almost 2 years. I had become increasingly aware of just how broken I was on the inside, was more lonely than I had ever been, and wanted to have a "normal family" so bad I could taste it. I met a man that was easily just as broken as I was, was swept away by the dreams he had for a family, loved his ideas about being a man of integrity, in short, he was saying all the right things. Truth be known, we both were. We knew what we each wanted for our lives, but getting from point A to point Z required a journey, and obedience I couldn't fathom. You simply can't build the family I knew I wanted on talk.

I moved forward in this relationship. It was fast and furious. The relationship was not at all what we had talked about, and not one that would turn out looking remotely like either of our dreams. Within a couple of months, I found myself pregnant AGAIN, unwed, more scared and confused than I had ever been, and grappling with the reality of sexual abuse in my past. Not a good combination.

I was living with my mother at the time. She was helping me raise my oldest child, that was going well. I was unwilling to put her through another unwed pregnancy, so I made the decision to white knuckle it and say yes to the invitation to marry this man, knowing it wasn't best for either of us, but figuring we would make the best of it and scrape together some sort of life.

I was in a season of silence toward God. Honestly, I was so put out with Him. I couldn't understand WHY? on so many levels. In short, I didn't know Him. If being pregnant and scared doesn't break a silent spell with God, I don't know what will. I remember laying in my bed late one night crying out to the Lord for help. All I knew to do was confess what a mess I had made of things, and ask for help.

Within 2 weeks I miscarried this life I bore. It gave me an open door out of a messy situation. What a bitter freedom pass! Even though I knew I was in a mess, and needed out, I also knew that a human life was a gift beyond measure, and I had started building dreams during my 10 weeks or so of pregnancy.

I abruptly, and carelessly ended the relationship I was in. That left a mess that would take years before I would be able to go back and seek forgiveness for the wreckless way I mishandled another person's heart, and life plans. Time can be such a gift!

Only my mother and another friend knew I was pregnant, or had miscarried. I think that was appropriate. What this created though, was a situation where I had this grief and depression like nothing I had ever known and was continuing to function as though everything in my life was fine and was forced to duke this out with the Lord. I was suicidal for a couple of months, and thank the Lord for my oldest child. I knew I had to continue to live for him. His basic needs kept me functioning on days where all I wanted to do was crawl into the Earth and be finished. I can remember the strangely funny thought that I wanted to die, and he wanted Cheerios. What perspective!

Long before any of this happened, I had visited the family graveyard with the sister of the fellow I was involved with and began to go there to grieve. It's the most amazing place! Right on the county line, very secluded. A little country church surrounded by acres of crop land. A private place for me to spend hours each week trying to sort out the wreck I was. A great place to get to know the Lord in ways I desperately needed to know Him. A place I could be real, could cry, could cuss, could just sit on the ground and rock with empty arms, and a broken heart. A place to heal.

After about a year of going to this grave and mourning I went one day in a fit of rage, tired of it all, working with a therapist to resolve the sexual abuse and fed up. I had a royal temper tantrum. Through hot tears, I began to tell God I was finished with Him and all I thought about everything He had allowed in my life. Thankfully, He had a much grander plan for our time there that day. It was Winter. The fields were frozen over with no sign of life, the one Oak tree in the field I always looked at was bare, no birds were singing, and I was furious. I finished my rant by crying out, yelling, asking God "Where the HELL are you?". I then sat (I guess that was I was bracing myself for the Lord to strike me down and wanted the fall not to be so far or hard). I looked at the Oak tree in the distance and remember so clearly the Lord speaking right into my heart that He was RIGHT THERE. He had been the whole time, and even though I didn't see leaves on the tree, or crops covering the field, that didn't mean that they wouldn't return, and that He was JUST LIKE the Mighty Oak...THERE! The God who IS, the I AM. All I could do at that point was tell the Lord how sorry I was, and how wrong I was to judge Him. I was utterly humbled, and not finshed with Him. Not at all.

That day as I drove away, I was leaving with a renewed trust and intimacy with the Lord. One that was so fresh and life giving. One I would return to that spot time and again up to the present to remember just how large and real this God I can't see is. I learned on that day that I could be as real as I needed to be with the Lord as long as it didn't just stop with being honest. I had to go on to the truth, and not stop until I got to the truth and embraced it.

True to the Lord's character, and the redemption theme our lives carry with Christ, beside that Oak tree would later be the very spot I would say "yes" to the Dawg's invitation to marriage. What an amazing blessing, for a man to be able to embrace such a history, and value such a place.

Today marks 12 years since I lost Jessica, and I can truly say her life was not without purpose, or meaning.

Thank you Lord for giving Jessica to me, for taking her away, for stooping to save humanity for eternity, and for rescuing me from the pit I dove straight into. Thank you for eternal life, a life that starts now.

Like A Tornado

2008-02-05T19:52:00.001-08:00

Today I had some extended time alone. I did a good bit of thinking and praying. I seem to have these times when I do some deep digging in the scriptures (I'm studying the Psalms of Ascent 120-134) then time and space to process what it all means to me and what my correct response to it all is. I guess everyone does this. ?? I was pulling out of the parking lot of Target thinking of how much more I feel fear now than when I was younger. I feel like some pieces of the puzzle came to me.

Over the past many years I have been seeking to become a gentle LADY. I'm not naturally bent like that. I've always been more like one of the guys, I think. Being vulnerable and gentle have been scary propositions, for many years that seemed SO weak. I've had many life lessons to teach me otherwise. I think I kept anger as my primary mode of relational operation to keep people out of my way, and keep the path "safe" and clear. I was so quick to cut with my words and tell a body exactly what I thought of them or their actions. Unafraid. No, not unafraid, quite the opposite! Totally afraid, just trying to keep rejection and hurt at bay. Totally unaware of just how scared I was.

I posted that I am seeking to lay aside baggage, and in some instances, get rid of life habits that were formed out of already resolved baggage. I am!! In 2 weeks I've thrown away, or given away 20 bags of STUFF! I've started losing weight, and not using the things, or looking to the people I was before to fill the empty places in my life, heart, and soul. I'm a bit stunned at the fears that are under all the clutter in my heart. I am turning each one over to the Lord, and trusting his faithful, loving hand.

I've done tons of hard things in my life while scared and uncertain of the outcome. So it is with this leg of the journey. I think I will let the Lord be the tornado, and blaze the path I'm to trod, fight the battles that aren't mine, and strengthen me to live in the moment with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child, accepting what's given with a heart of gratitude, not a demand for what I want or think I need.

I pray for a gentle, quiet, honest, fearless, and adventuresome spirit. I want to still live out loud, just saying all the right stuff now.

The journey continues...

Invitation

2008-02-03T18:34:00.000-08:00

The other night The Dawg turned to me and asked if I would like to join him in a couple of months for a business trip to beautiful Charleston, SC. Would I???? I called my mother the next morning and asked if she could care for the kids the Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday we would be gone. She sweetly said "Oh honey, you just let me know what you need, and when you want to leave and I would be glad to come stay with the children". Aaaahhh, a blessing indeed! We leave tomorrow and will be back in 2 months. JUST KIDDING!! We will stay Saturday thru Tuesday.

Dawg will have to be in seminars all day Monday, and most of the morning Tuesday. This will enable me to get out, meet a friend for lunch, and shop. Woohoo!!! I'm about to bust with excitment! I just learned we will be staying at a Marriott downtown. Perfect!!! We will have a Reception on Sunday night, then Monday evening we will go on a dinner cruise out to Ft. Sumter. Oh dear, what shall I wear?

I feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas. 'Tis fun indeed!

2008-01-28T18:37:00.000-08:00

Faith is to believe what we do not see, and the reward of this faith is to see what we believe. ~St. Augustine

It's Time

2008-01-21T20:04:00.001-08:00

I'm on a mission to rid my life of clutter. All that "stuff" in my closets, and other spaces with doors where I hide the excess I simply don't need. The junk in my trunk, if you will. The clutter in my heart and mind. The weights that so easily distract. I'm sick of them all!!!

If you have mastered this de-cluttering thing, let me know what you have found to be the most helpful tips.

Snow!

2008-01-17T07:25:00.000-08:00

Our family loves snow. We woke up to a thin blanket of snow and frozen rain around 5:00 this morning. By 6:00 my youngest child came in and asked if she could go wake up her brothers. I let her and by 6:15 my children were dressed and out the door for some slushy fun. It's more messy than anything now, but it makes for a cozy day.

In a bit, we'll be off to have lunch with neighbors, sit by the fire, and watch the kids play Wii.

I do love snow!!!

Sweet, Sweet, Sweet!!

2008-01-14T16:43:00.000-08:00

Today we had the pleasure of keeping my 5 yr. old nephew, and 5 mo. old niece. It was so nice to have a baby around for a couple of hours.

His Shoes

2008-01-11T18:35:00.000-08:00

Today, the Inmates decided they wanted to run the Asylum. The Warden let them. Tonight, the Inmates were all in bed at 8:00. That stinks for them on a Friday night. For the Dawg and I, it's been quiet and wonderful.

I picked up a book and did a little reading while the Dawg did the same. I've been sipping on herbal tea, and doing some much needed quiet thinking also. I was sitting looking at DH as he was reading, and my mind ran with imaginations of being 36 (I'm almost 33), starting a second marriage, and having 3 more children (making a total of 5), as my DH did. I can't imagine! I got lost in my own thoughts and the feelings that accompanied. WOW! DH looked over at me and asked if I was okay. I told him I was. He kept looking at me, able to tell something was wrong, or I was in deep thought. He asked what I was thinking and I told him. It opened up some amazing conversation.

It's so easy to get too comfortable in marriage, thinking we know one another inside and out. I don't want to ever get so settled into that mindset that I forget to kick off my sandals, and slide on his boots so I can rediscover who I'm married to.

Thank you Lord for this man.

Cut It Out!

2008-01-10T19:22:00.000-08:00

The Holidays were lots of fun, and now I'm wearing all the cream cheese, and other fat/sugar-filled goodies I ate and drank over the season. I promise you, I can see blocks of cream cheese on my thighs and butt (sorry to those of you who are visual).

It's time to fight the bulge, and I am feeling motivated. I have been exercising more, and eating more figure friendly foods. I have never been good at losing weight, yet being tall has enabled me to carry extra weight and not show every pound of it. Honestly, the battle of the bulge has been a long standing one in my life, one I have had to stop obsessing over, and just live. This year I feel a bit different though. I want to lose at least 25 lbs. to put me back at the weight I was as a youth. I feel I could do Weight Watchers or something like that, if necessary without obsessing. I have until Feb. 1. If I haven't lost at least 3 lbs. by then I will bite the bullet and join online Weight Watchers. I SO don't want to do that, but I also SO want to lose weight. We'll see...

Over Christmas I had a heck of an ear infection. I went to the Doctor and he irrigated my ear. WOW! Never had that done. It wasn't gross, and not too much junk came out of my ear, but after the procedure - I felt like something was loose. I think something in there ruptured. Since this Saturday, I have been having these dizzy spells along with anxiety. It's dumb!!! I'm not given to anxiety, and can logically look at my life and see no reason for fear. I was having panic/claustrophobic attacks at red lights, then feeling like I was going to pass out. Strange! I had a date with my younger brother arranged earlier this week, and knew he was looking forward to going. I didn't want to break the date, and didn't want to be unsafe. I sat down with my Bible and read verses about anxiety and fear, then spent time in the shower praying. I could feel myself almost going into the panic feeling at red lights, but was able to redirect my attention, and not feel any of the panic stuff. The Lord was faithful, and I had peace.

In the wake of all of this, I have had suspicions that my thyroid meds were too high because I was feeling very jittery. I didn't take any meds yesterday, and went on with my normal routine. I still felt jittery. Had labs run. Levels are good. Medication is just right. I decided to cut coffee out today and didn't feel the jitters at all. UGH!!! You see, I have been drinking coffee daily for about 14 years now. YIKES! I love coffee, and even had to have a cup of decaf this morning. I am thinking that if I can make these decisions to give up the things I enjoy so much, maybe it will strenghten my ability to say no to snacking at night, and falling into the pits that keep me from being the trim self I want to be.

I have had themes for the past several years. Things I felt the Lord wanted me to work into my character. This year I feel impressed with the Fruits of the Spirit. I guess Self-Control is a great place to start. Thankfully it is a Fruit of His Spirit, and not something I have to muster.

I look forward to where all this leads over the next few months...

Love In Action

2008-01-07T17:01:00.001-08:00

Last night I was awakened by a gagging sound around 11:30. I went into our youngest child's room only to find my eldest saying "It's okay, throw up on the floor, miss the bed". The smell was awful, and cleaning up vomit fresh out of a sound sleep isn't my favorite thing to do. My middle child wondered over the horrid gagging coming from the room and came in with his usual impish smile. He started to say "what's that smell?" and only got the "what's" part out. I shook my head, and he just curled his nose. I dismissed him after he asked the youngest if she was okay. The eldest got her some new pj's out, and helped me with the clean up. He was excused several times, and wanted to help me get her settled in. We did. She mastered the art of vomiting in a trash can, and I got up with her several more times before she would finally sleep through the night.

This morning I was talking to my oldest as I was doing last night's laundry. I had taken out the sheets and shook the chunks off (I hope you aren't eating while reading this post!). He asked if I was okay, I guess I was looking a bit green around the gills. Once I assured him I was, he said how he had gone to bed last night only to find our middle child crying as his sister was gagging again. The oldest questioned what was wrong and he said it just made him sad to know his sister was sick and having to go through that. I don't know that I could have been blessed more today.

Often times as a Mother, I feel like I am scattering seeds in the garden of my children's soul, but know there are limits to what I can do. There comes a point where they and their truest Father have to work out the things I am teaching. I pray they do. It is so encouraging when you see buds here and there of the life and truth you are seeking to live in front of these young lives. To see love in action like I did last night is a grand gift from The Father, from them, and from my husband for providing for us so we can live a life that is fostering this closeness among these children. May it continue for the rest of their lives.

I truly will have no greater joy than to know my children walk in truth, and love one another well.

Coming Soon...

2008-01-05T18:57:00.000-08:00

Fresh thoughts.

Go To...

2007-12-13T17:49:00.000-08:00

Take a quick look at Rublevsdog to see what talent we have in our home.

Make a Mama proud!

That's Better!!!

2007-12-13T15:50:00.000-08:00

Tradition

2007-12-10T19:48:00.000-08:00

Saturday night The Dawg and I went out to dinner, and were out later than usual. I had called my Mother (Grannie) to see if it would be okay with her if we were later than we had originally planned. She was fine with it, and wanted to know when to get the children in the bed. I told her the time I wanted them in bed, of course giving them ample time to get to sleep before we got in. :)

When we left for the evening our eldest was putting our Christmas tree together, and putting lights on. No problem. When we got home, much to my disappointment, I found that our tree had been fully decorated, and the kids were still up. WHAT???? I just stood there. There was some confusion, and some deception. My poor Mom was tricked!!! One of our children was overcome by an impish tendency and couldn't help himself. I had one bawling in remorse, and asking if I was angry. I responded that I wasn't angry at all, just disappointed. The tree is a tradition, and it's one that I want us to do together. I tried to love what they had done, but sat looking at it after they finally got to bed, and looked at Dawg and said "I can't do this. It's going to have to be redone". He grinned and said "Aaaahhhh, tomorrow we'll have them take all the decorations off, and we'll just sit and watch". We did just that!! Today they have been dying to redecorate. Nope!!! They must wait until the mood strikes me. Ha!

I did pull out some balls and fill them with sugar like Missy posted that she did in her kitchen. I had some old fabric I tore and used to hang them from the dining room light. Sort of a "rustic/country" look.

I'm getting in the mood for Christmas, but I wish it were snowing, and not 80 degrees. Mercy!!!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

I Think I can...

2007-12-07T04:47:00.000-08:00

I talked to Ames yesterday about her exercise plan. I'm quite impressed. I've been toying with the idea of being intentional about kicking some poundage. I know this is one of the worst times of the year to re-start such a lofty thing, but a Body-builder I know says "If you won't start now, then you're not really ready". OUCH!!!

I know all Dieters say the same ole' "I'll start Monday" garbage. Well, I'm not a Dieter, and I AM planning on starting Monday, or whenever I am well. I don't have any lofty 1 hr. plan. Just 2 mi./day like Dr. OZ says to do.

Why Monday? I picked up Pink Eye somewhere. What the heck? I called my Dr. yesterday asking him to call me in a RX. He called me back last night asking for my symptoms and diagnosed me over the phone (I love that my Dr. will still do this, and even knows who I am when he calls. Very rare now). He asked what I usually take for Conjunctivitis. I said that I've only had it 2x and I've taken an Rx as a child, then used breast milk once. He guffawed! "Breast MILK???? Where did you come up with that, did it work, and how did you get it into your eye?" were his pressing questions. I told him I tried it while in a Homeopathic phase, my SIL was nursing a child at the time, and she expressed some into a cup. I took a dropper and put it in my eye. Yes, it worked. Dr. laughed and then very seriously said "Well, if it worked I have nothing to say". The Rx He sent seems to be working rapidly, so with a weekend of rest, and healthy eating, I hope to be ready to rock on Monday.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

More Random Junk

2007-12-04T18:55:00.000-08:00

Today as I went through my day I had more random thoughts. Enjoy!

I like to get as close to 0 miles to empty as I can. It drives husband crazy!

I need a cup of coffee in the morning before I have to deal with people, or I feel grumpy.

I love riding through town when it's dark. I can see inside homes.

I am an Eric Rudolph "fan". I hate what he did. I admire the fact that he evaded the FBI for 5 yrs in the mountains of NC.

I don't like the way the pro-life agenda executes it's position most of the time.

I don't know what I want for Christmas.

I am feeling this motivation to exercise coming on. OM Gosh!!! What is happening to me?

I would love to be fit.

I've had body image ''issues" all my life.

I have a pair of footies that Shan knit sitting here on my desk. Left by one of Ames gals. Good work Shan!!

I like my laundry to smell like clean clothes. Not this unscented product.

I love to ride alone and crank up the tunes. It makes me feel young.

My Everybodyfields CD is still in my player, and I don't get tired of it, at all.

I think my brother is the most clever cusser I know.

Bread, wine, and cheese are some of my favorites.

I love appetizers.

Over the past few years, when people meet me, I've discovered they often think I'm much different than what I truly am.

I've changed a good bit over the past 15 yrs.

I want a 4-door, soft shell Jeep (red or green), or a lime green, or red VW Bug convertible when my Expedition dies.

If I had a "day job" I would love to be a Detective. I love the look of the white cotton top, khaki pants, and a gun on the hip!!!!

I would also like to be a Judge.

I love fast card games.

I have an amazing MIL. She is so much fun, and we always end up belly laughing when we're together. A rare, and true blessing!

I love John Rosemond's thoughts on parenting. My brother says "He'll jack a kid up in a hot minute''.

I struggle not to see things in "all or nothing" terms.

I deeply desire to be real as a person, and real in my faith.

I never had a cavity, then neglected going to the dentist for MANY years. Last yr. I went and had 11!!! She divided my mouth into 4 quadrants and we took the next several months to fix the Cavity Creep.

I'm claustrophobic.

I don't like whining.

I love daisies.

I love the smell of leaves on the ground, burning wood, and those fat markers.

I "check my zipper" often.

I bought a new RED purse tonight. It's great.

I respect my Husband more than any man I know.

I don't respect others easily.

With a few exceptions, I had more guy friends growing up than girlfriends.

My neighbor thinks he's still a teenager. His criminal record says he's 38. He is cranking up his music in the evenings. I may go "Jack" him up.

I need 8 hrs. of sleep on average.

I love Friday nights.

I love romance.

I'm frugal.

I'm tired and off to Dreamland.

I've enjoyed this. I hope you do...

Random Stuff

2007-12-03T17:40:00.000-08:00

Ames, Kids, and I met Marsha at the Grove Park Inn to see the gingerbread houses. Amazing!!!

I poured candles last week.

Middle child not only broke arm, but contracted Poison Ivy, then got stung by a Bee 2x yesterday.

When I feel stressed I cuss.

I tried the new Sierra Mist with cranberry today. Yummy!

Today I baked a Red Velvet Cake from a recipe that belonged to my grandmother.

I love my pharmacy. The lady that works in the store sounds like a Mount Pilot Fun Girl (Andy Griffith Show).

My tree still isn't up.

I would love to run away right now.

I have horrid PMS.

I haven't blogged in a long time.

I've had some strange interactions over the last week and I'm relationally tired.

Sometimes I just don't want to be kind.

When I was young I lacked discretion. At times I wish that was still a good reason.

God is so much bigger than I know.

My opinion won't change things.

I knit a washcloth in one sitting last night. Yahoo!!!

I'm fighting some bug.

I cleaned my linen closet last week. It was major!!! I hauled off 2 bags from just one shelf. Yikes!

I have plenty to clean out still.

I would love to sit in front of the TV one day, all day long, not sharing the remote.

I need to go wipe out my Christmas list.

I'm thrilled cool weather is here.

I'm feeling a "quiet phase" coming on.

If you're still reading this you must be bored out of your mind. :)

What A Weekend

2007-11-14T07:43:00.000-08:00

This weekend The Dawg and I headed to Asheville, NC for an Everybodyfields concert with Michael Holland opening. We had a great night, and ate wonderful food.

As I mentioned before, I would be buying yarn on behalf of one of my children that saw fit to cut some yarn I was using during a crochet project. I found some amazing wool for $7.50 and bought 2.

The Dawg and I returned Saturday around 12:00 and received a call from Grannie that our middle child was in the ER with a possible broken arm. We went straight there, and were in the ER with him for 5 hrs. He did indeed break his left forearm in 2 places. Clean break, and will most likely heal just fine.

Saturday night I went to a friend's house where 5 other girls I grew up were gathered for fun, food, and fellowship. There were gals in from SC, VA, MD, and WI. I spent the night. We stayed up until 4:00 a.m. watching videos of ourselves from our youth, laughing ourselves sick!! I had a great time, and know I'm getting way too old to stay up like that.

A great weekend, for sure!!!

Newbie

2007-11-08T18:37:00.000-08:00

Ames, Clumsy Ox, and Co. came over Saturday night. We went to dinner, then came back to our house and I received a long awaited knitting lesson. I've been working on a small scarf this week just using the knit stitch. I will begin a scarf using a knit/pearl (I think that's how you say it) next week, assuming I finish this project this weekend.

I like knitting so far. I long for the day I can create groovy socks!

What The Heck???

2007-11-03T11:25:00.000-07:00

I ran to Lowe's to look over their flowers. Just air out a bit. As I was riding through town, on 2 corners there were families out "preaching". Something about all of this made me cringe. It made me feel angry if I'm totally honest. Behind my anger, I'm sad. They were waving posters with flames, and screaming about sin. I have no clue who these folks were, or what they are about, I just hope that during the rest of the week their lives are drawing folks that don't know Christ TO him, especially their children and youth.

I think I had such a strong reaction, in part, because I have loved many people whose lives have been negatively impacted by the misrepresentation of Christ and all He is about. Something of beauty, and life made into dysfunction, schism, angry bigotry, dishonesty, and hate, all in the name of God. It can take a lot of time to unlearn all the lies about who God is and what He's about. It most assuredly takes courage to challenge your belief system.

Maybe those folks on the corner today are dead on and I'm way off. At this point in my life I'm just wanting to live in such a way that makes people want to know the risen Lord. Most of all, I want my children to be absolutely clear what we're FOR, and what the business is that we are to be about. If they are clear that worship is vitally important, we are to Love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, strength, might, love our neighbors as ourselves, and keep a clear conscience before God and man, I'll be one happy gal when I depart. For now, that is enough and keeping me quite busy.

Valley of the Shadow

2007-11-02T21:02:00.000-07:00

An assignment was sent out over the blog sphere to write your own eulogy. I've thought about it, and worked at it, and simply can't do it the justice done by others. The best I can present you is my hope, and if less is more, I'll do just fine.

She loved the Lord, and She loved us passionately...

If that's all that is said of me when I die, that will be enough.

Trick or Treat

2007-10-31T20:47:00.000-07:00

For many years we chose to abstain from Halloween in any way. I think in some way it made us feel more spiritual, until we began to explain WHY we weren't begging for candy from willingly sharing neighbors to our very inquisitive oldest child. We saw that we would defile him more by explaining our "conviction" than just letting him go out dressed in a fun costume, not evil, and collect some candy.

4 years ago we started gathering for a meal, and pounding the streets with dear friends of ours. It has been great fun and created marvelous memories. Tonight was no different. Fun was had by all, and lots of laughs were enjoyed, not to mention the sugar!!!

I do have to say that it was refreshing to see our children dressed cute and fun, and not in evil costumes. There were very few cute costumes out tonight.

I sure do love our little crews!!!

Fall In The Kitchen

2007-10-30T15:59:00.000-07:00

Thursday evening my children had to pay the Piper for misdeeds and go to bed at 6:30. My hubby was teaching his last class at a local community college, and I had the remote!!! I watched Food Network until he got home. It was marvelous!

I caught Rachel Ray first and she made the most unusual dish with a pumpkin sauce. It had herbs, spices, and sausage. It was served over whole wheat pasta, alongside whole grain bread, and a salad. I had all the ingredients and decided to give it a go. I fixed it tonight and my family liked it. I got responses ranging from "Yeah, it's edible" (from our pickiest), "I like it, I love the bread", to "I love it" and then The Dawg said "The pumpkin makes it pretty girly, but I love the sausage". I'll take that as a success.

I served the sauce over whole grain/whole wheat mixed spaghetti noodles, a french loaf made of an organic white whole wheat, and a caesar salad.

I'm trying to save $$ so we will be having left over noodles in lo mein tomorrow night. We are having company over Friday night and I am doing something I've never done before. It's an idea I saw in a recent Southern Living issue, and I think it'll be fun. I'll blog on the idea later, and let you know how it went. I fear that if I blog about it the guests will read, and will cancel on us. :0)

Pumpkin Sausage Sauce

1 tbsp EVOO (I didn't use...)

1 lb Italian Sausage (I used hot)

4 cloves garlic

1 med. onion finely chopped

1 bay leaf

4-6 sage leaves cut very fine

1 cu. dry white wine (didn't have any on hand)

1 cu. chicken stock

1 cu canned pumpkin (I used more like 1 1/2 cu)

1/2 cu. heavy cream (I used fat-free half and half)

1/8 tsp. gr. cinnamon (I always use more spices!)

1/2 tsp. nutmeg

salt to taste

pepper

pasta

parmesean to garnish

sides : whole grain bread, and salad

Directions: Cook sausage, then I cut them up. Drain well. Chop onion and herbs well, except bay leaf. Add to sausage. Sweat onion, add stock (and wine if you like), add bay leaf, add pumpkin, stir well, add cream, press garlic and add. Add spices. Continue to stir well. I just brought it to a simmer then reduced heat to low as I got my water started for my pasta. I covered it and let it come together until the pasta was finished.

Enjoy!!

Recipes

2007-10-24T16:52:00.000-07:00

We are making some dietary changes around here to battle the bulge. What we are doing is weeding out processed foods, white flour, sugars, and unhealthy oils. That's the short of it.

I will be altering recipes we already eat to comply with our changes. I'll post some of the yummy recipes we try and like. If you have some of your own that you would like to share, feel free to post!

Bon Appetit!

Fall Garden

2007-10-24T08:07:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged on my garden in some time. The drought has made it tough to do much but pray and wait.

My Greens are coming in nicely, and have grown significantly since a good soaking rain last week, and a couple this week. My Sugar Snap Peas, and Romaine are growing well also.

I look forward to enjoying these goodies in the coming weeks.

A Great Example

2007-10-23T07:34:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago I ran into a neighbor at a local store. Just hours before, I had attended a John Rosemond seminar at our church based on one of his best books, Teen-Proofing. The neighbor and I exchanged friendly "Hey, how are you?" greetings, then I asked how his youngest child was doing in college. It's her first yr. Of course, he opened up conversation about his other 2 children. He kept talking about one in particular and referring to all the trouble they've been in. I have heard bits and pieces, but don't really know anything about this young adult. I told him that.

My neighbor and I stood in the aisle for a good 30 min. He told me about all the trials they have been through with this particular child of theirs. Drugs, theft (related to drugs), poor peer choices, and the like. This guy made it clear he has a deep faith and that is what has kept him over the past few years. He also told me how extending grace to this child year after year was only enabling more trouble, he eventually had to get tough. He told me that while working one day, he received a phone call from the Police that they needed a large sum of money, or needed to come to his house and "collect" the son. He had to set up his son to be at his apartment at a certain time that evening so the Police could come pick him up. Nobody in the family knew of this phone call. I can't imagine how hard that must have been, especially knowing what a heartache it would be for the Mother. This is true love in action. He made it clear that none of this was done out of anger, but out of love, and how utterly difficult it was.

I stood in the aisle in absolute awe. I told him how much I respect him, and how it gives me comfort to know that should the day ever come where I have to be tough with one of my children for their greater good, the Lord will sustain me and grant me the grace to execute whatever I must.

I saw this neighbor's truck pass by my house this morning while I was dusting, and offered up a prayer of thanksgiving for the example he has set.

Thank you Lord that though we don't live in the most costly neighborhood in this town, I believe it is easily one of the richest! I am surrounded by amazing stories and lessons.

Oink Award

2007-10-22T19:46:00.000-07:00

Today I bit the bullet and cleaned the rooms of 2 of my children. Oh my word!!! It amazes me the JUNK these children can accumulate in no time flat.

I haven't done a good "Mom clean" in a while. Trashing what they haven't taken care of in the 2 day grace/warning period, and finding places for what's left. I got a full trash bag out of each child's room.

My daughter came in, looked around, and said "Oh, it feels so good to be in my room again". I'm glad she feels that way. I hope she will maintain the order for a long time. If not, she will most likely suffer the devastation of missing goods that have been sent to junk heaven (a.k.a, the dump).

While cleaning I received a phone call from a young man that came around my neighborhood from a local investment firm a few weeks ago. He's new in town, and I was friendly toward him, though I was honest that I don't have any money to invest anywhere. Today he wanted to let me know of some good bonds that were available if we had any extra money handy. I played it cool. He then asked if we have retirement plans. I assured him we do through my husband's work (I should have made it clear that my husband does). He then asked me about mine. I almost busted out laughing, telling him that "I have mine in my room, on the floor, right by my door. It's an old apple juice jar full of change I get out of the washing machine while doing laundry". The reality is that I pray my children will take me in and care for me when I am old and feeble, heck, I hope I don't get feeble, and yet grow very old.

The Lord has funny ways of adding humor to my days. I've learned to be humored by the little things in life, and not take myself too seriously.

Retirement. Hmmm...maybe I could raise pigs!!!

Shadows

2007-10-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

I can remember times when I was a young girl, in those last moments of my day, waiting to fall asleep, getting scared out of my mind by the shadows that were cast on my wall from the trees out in my backyard. I KNEW that they were trees, and yet they still scared me. I think the problem was that there were other things I was scared of, and the shadows tapped into those fears.

I think the same thing can happen in relationships. Something very black and white gets distorted and skewed because of misconceptions, frustrations about other things, fatigue, or other problems at hand.

I don't know that there is an exact answer as to the best way to handle each relational "shadow". I do know that as a girl, rolling over, crying, asking the Lord to HELP, and holding on to the reality that in the light of morning I could go outside, look at the trees, and know that it truly was only the tree's shadow I was seeing on my wall. JUST a tree. Whew! Then I would lift my head toward the heavens, and ask the Lord to take care of all those scary feelings. He did. All in good time, He did...

It's Raining, It's Pouring...

2007-10-19T04:58:00.000-07:00

I got out of bed less than an hour ago. I tip toed into the kitchen, made my coffee, and settled into the living room for some quiet time before my day started. My youngest still has this keen sense of when I rise. She came in, kissed me, and gave me that look that says "can I get up yet?" I smiled and said, "Good morning! I love you. Back to bed until it's light outside."

I was able to have about 30 minutes alone to come to and drink in some truth before the sun came up enough for the children to justify rising (although you can't tell from this picture). My children congregated in my youngest child's bedroom to greet one another, and check the "light situation". They figured it was safe enough and came into the living room. In unison they were saying "MOM, it's raining outside!!" it was just like those rare mornings around here when it snows. They all gathered on the couch as they do when it snows, and my younger 2 children have done for years, looking outside, waving at people going to work, and taking advantage of their front row seats to nature's latest show, one that we haven't seen in weeks.

I love that my children are not so over stimulated by all the world offers children that they can't sit by a window and watch it rain, or snow, or the wind whip trees around, with sheer awe and delight. Some would say we have deprived our children since they don't have video games, don't spend time on the computer, and only watch a select few programs on TV. I disagree. If they need to catch up on that when they're adults, that's up to them, but for now, we want them sensitive to God's revelation of Himself through nature.

Father, thank you for the rain. Thank you for an amazing husband, and these 3 children that happen to be my favorites. Thank you so much for revealing yourself through nature. How kind!

Carpenter

2007-10-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

I have an older brother that is a Carpenter. He is growing in his faith through some crushing circumstances. It's hard to watch. Yesterday He stopped by to visit since we haven't in a while. He was talking about many things he is going through and struggling with. He talked in a very real way about how he is seeking the Lord and how real all of this, once "far off God stuff" is becoming very real and practical to him. I rejoice!!! He tickles me. He is so very sincere. Very tenderhearted, yet very ragged, and real in his approach to his relationship with the Lord. He was talking about a difficult and ethical situation with an employer. He was so frustrated at the compromises being made on the part of the employer, and confused as to how to handle it all. He told me he just threw up his hands, lifted his head, and said "Well hell!! Lord, you were a Carpenter, what would you do?".

You've gotta' love that!!!

Water Restriction

2007-10-14T18:10:00.000-07:00

Right now the area I live in is under water restrictions. That makes gardening tough. The Media is encouraging folks to report neighbors that are watering. I have decided to use minimal water, and my garden reflects that. I went out yesterday and felt rather frustrated.

I can tell I'm generally feeling like I'm under water restrictions. I take comfort that I'm just struggling with feelings, and feelings are a poor representation of truth.

Ever feel like things are just closing in on you? Like you can't take any more bad news? Like a bear on the inside? I'm there. No, it isn't PMS. It's just the state of things on Planet Earth. It makes me want to cuss. Actually, I've been doing a lot of "silent cussing" or cussing while alone lately. I hate it when I get like this. I recently saw the blog of a brassy gal I don't know, but like a great deal. She was flipping the bird to life in general. Loved that. THAT is how I feel right now. She already did it, so I don't need to.

The good in all of this? I know that none of this stops here. There is no guarantee that circumstances will change here or now, but I know the Living Water. I know where a Spring is. There is an endless supply of everything I need for life and godliness. This is a fact. One I must rest on in faith. I think I will.

One day water restrictions will be over for good!

Invitation

2007-10-09T10:19:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I went to the Victory Garden of a Gal I hardly know. She is receiving a radiation treatment, and her thoughtful Husband wanted all the summer vegetables cleaned out before she got home from a week away. I went early, got my instructions, and got started.

The first part was a pretty dirty job pulling out some massive plants. I felt confident I was doing just as I had been instructed. No big questions as to if I was causing harm or not. After I finished, I was to do some pruning.

When I got home, and was showering I was thinking about what a blessing it was to be invited tend to another person's garden. A real treat, for sure. As I was thinking and praying, it became clear there was a major lesson taught to me just a little earlier.

It wasn't nearly as easy when it was time to go through and prune. I was unsure of how much she would want cut back, and didn't want to get too happy with the trimmers. Isn't it like that in relationships too? It isn't usually the big, or hard stuff that does us in. It's the little things. The "biggies" may require more labor in some way, but the real agony can come in the many little things.

My time yesterday in her garden underscored for me just how important it is to use a very light hand in dealing with or judging another person's actions. I don't know what all has taken place in the garden of their soul. The changes in the landscape, the flowers, the pests, the plants, the weeds, the fruit, the growth, the set backs, what's to stay, what's to go. I simply don't know what the Master Gardener's priorities are in another person's garden.

Unless I'm INVITED to help prune, and even then, prayer, a light hand, and a tender heart is only proper.

Thank you Lord for such a rich lesson in the garden.

It's Going To Be Okay

2007-10-07T19:03:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had another one of my "Over The Fence" talks with the older lady that lives next door to me. I often end up in such conversations on my way out to run an errand. They've come to be one of my favorite treats. Tonight, it was chit chat about a local political matter, Creation, the drought, unseasonably hot weather, and cutting up over the absurdity of not being able to get a decent neighbor on the other side of me, so we send out the Police instead of the Welcome Wagon. Her lighthearted laugh, and good natured joking were a balm to my soul. She usually ends up telling me a great story from her life's library when we talk. She did tonight. I always come away from talking to this woman feeling like my soul has been fed.

When I was driving to pick up my eldest child from a church activity, I had the most amazing feeling of well-being, much like I feel when I see clothes on a clothesline blowing gently in the wind, smell clean clothes, or a great cinnamon laced candle.

I've noticed that there is a sense of assurance that everything will be okay among the folks I know that grew up during the Depression Era. I didn't grow up knowing that, and I didn't hear that much growing up. I questioned God a lot about how things would turn out for me, and begged Him to make it good.

At times in my life, the Lord has allowed things that didn't feel okay, but the truth is, with Him I can always trust that in the end, it's going to be okay.

Lucy And Ethel? No, Lucy and Ann

2007-09-30T19:30:00.000-07:00

There is a lot to be said for a Best Friend.

I never had a Sister growing up. I always fantasized about having one, and in my fantasy, I didn't ever like her. It's just as well that I didn't have one...

I DID have a Best Friend that was as opposite from me as a gal could be. I am a "strapping" gal of 5'10'' and have been since 13. I weigh more than you would guess, for sure, and there's nothing petite about me. I have a pretty bold, and very honest perspective, and opinion to express most of the time, and until recent yrs. lacked much discretion with my honest opinions. There isn't much bubbly or sweet about me, and having 2 pretty "cool" brothers, I didn't tend to be very silly.

My Dearest Friend from childhood is not even 5' tall, very petite, tends to be more non-confrontational, she chooses her battles carefully. She certainly has opinions, but is able to come across as neutral. I've had the privilege of hearing many of the rants others would never hear. Missy is one of the most loving, giving, and truly sweet people I've ever known. It's genuine. Not a bunch of fake, put on stuff. She's pretty bubbly, sweet, and lots of fun, at times borderline silly, even now.

We've been friends since we were 4, I think. Her home would be the first of many of my "homes away from home".

I got a call from her tonight. We talked for almost 2 hrs. and I just need to say what a comfort it is to have people who know almost all there is to know about you, at least, the very worst, and still love you, accept you, and want relationship with you. It's a gift indeed! Missy, I'm glad to have you as my friend!!! You've been much better than that Sister I fantasized about.

Thank you for hanging in here with me for all these yrs.

I love you girl!!

Forgiveness Isn't...

2007-09-24T05:28:00.001-07:00

I've had a few additional thoughts about forgiveness, and hope they're helpful.

Often times when there is a sin we need to forgive, or need to be forgiven of, we either forget there are consequences or get hung up on making sure there ARE concequences. There tends to be this assumption that forgiveness makes everything "okay" and lets the offending party off the hook. I think that is where most folks recoil at the thought of forgiveness without really understanding what forgiveness is, and the freedom waiting on us when we do forgive.

Certainly there are varying degrees of sin/offense on a human level that require varied responses or boundaries. Each situation can be very unique and complicated. I think we usually think of forgiveness in terms of being a kid, someone kicks us in the shin, it hurts some, they say "sorry" we tell them we forgive them, or "it's okay", then go on, leaving ourselves wide open to continue to be kicked.

I tend to think of forgiveness like being in a basketball game, and being fouled. Some fouls are just simple, unintentional slaps on the arm, others are face wrecking nose breaks.

If someone simply slaps me on the arm, I most likely need to forgive, and go on. Especially if they acknowledge it. Other times may require me not to even acknowledge that I've been fouled at all. If it's a broken nose, I need to get my hiney off the court, and get to a Dr. to set my nose. My concern becomes getting fixed or healed. The Ref. will take care of the offending player, ESPECIALLY if He's my Dad!! Fines, and maybe ejection are what that player is in for. I would do well to be more concerned about my nose, and the future of my face. There ARE consequences for him. They are none of my business. Once I forgive, and the healing begins, I'll be able to clearly see the boundaries that need to be in place around my life, if any. Nobody ever sees clearly with watery eyes from a broken nose.

The Father who was willing to give His only Son to shed His blood for me, sees all, and knows my heart along with the heart of anyone I've ever hurt, or been hurt by. Nothing escapes his eye, and He cares far beyond my comprehension, yet not nearly as much about many petty things I may get hung up on. He's righteous and JUST.

As I've come to know what my Father is like, I've been pleasantly surprised to find that He is nothing like what I thought He was, based on the natural "God Representatives" I had. In my mind's eye, I had Him fashioned all wrong!!! He doesn't go passive, He won't leave us, yet He's not a bully. He won't jump into the pit of unforgiveness, or bitterness WITH us. His rescue of me hasn't always been as comfortable and easy as I've wanted it to be, and looking back I now agree. He demands far more of me than I thought He would, and far less at other times. His yoke is easy, His burden is light. That doesn't mean there ISN'T a yoke, or a burden.

We will each have unique characters in the story of our life, but the story lines are very similar. We all desperately need to be forgiven, and if we haven't been fouled yet, it's only a matter of time...

What Is Forgiveness???

2007-09-22T17:48:00.000-07:00

Today I had 2 very unrelated conversations with folks that are feeling the sting of having been deeply hurt by someone they love. In both conversations the topic of forgiveness came up, and it's gotten me thinking...

For a long time now I've seen people come to those points in life where they have to choose to forgive, or go head long into bitterness. No, bitterness isn't necessarily what they are consciously choosing, but it is the natural outcome of NOT choosing to forgive. Easy to say, we learn some of this very early on in church. The hard part is when you have been left naked, and cold on the inside, and you are faced with the reality that in the economy of God's Kingdom, forgiveness is a given.

Well, what is forgiveness anyway? What does it mean? What does it look like? What will it feel like? Will it make me feel any better? What does it mean for the offending party?

I can remember the first time I was confronted with a REAL need to forgive a party. A godly man came to me and said "Stace' you MUST forgive ........" I remember crying and snapping back "How much better will I feel after I do THAT, and how is that going to make my life any better NOW"? This poor fellow really didn't have the answers for me. That's okay, I wasn't really listening yet. I was just mad, mad as all get out, and underneath that, hurt, very hurt!!! The Lord knew my heart was to do what He wanted, and had already placed a godly couple as Sunday School Teachers (he was a counselor with the Fire Dept.) in my life to begin to answer some of the deepest questions of my broken heart, and busted up life. I told him how mad I was that this other fellow told me I had to forgive the offending party. He agreed with the guy. How dare He? He was supposed to be on my side! He cared too much to not shed light on the path to true freedom. It would be yrs. before I really began to "get it".

I went to the Fire Station where my SS teacher worked many afternoons to talk out much of the confusion I faced, and begin to pursue the deepest questions I had about forgiveness. He was reading Bold Love by Dan Allender at the time, and it gave him so many good answers to faithfully put in front of me. I can remember being told "Forgiveness only opens the door to the restoration of the relationship, upon the other person's repentance". Okay, that sounds good enough. Provides me with some safety there, I can accept that. Easy enough. Nope, not enough! That still doesn't answer "What is forgiveness?".

I truly have come to believe that forgiveness is giving up my right to "pay somebody back" or punish someone when they hurt or offend me. It doesn't stop there. I believe true biblical forgiveness accepts Christ's shed blood on the cross as ENOUGH for the sin against me that I may well want to ''handle" myself. That isn't always easy, and only becomes easier with practice. OUCH!!! The cool thing is that we aren't just "dropping it" we're accepting Christ's payment of shed blood as enough to satisfy our demand for retribution, and then the debt no longer involves us. It's between the offending party, and The Father. This is where the healing in my emotions BEGINS. It takes time, but will happen. I'm then able to go on and continue to love, I'm free from bitterness and it's defiling impact, if a relationship has been broken, I can be free to remain open to restoration upon the other person's repentance. I'm free to love, and truly free to heal.

Forgiveness will be necessary to give and receive for the rest of our lives. More than anything, in understanding what forgiveness is, I've come to a much greater appreciation of just what it really means that I've been forgiven, and see that the cross isn't just a neat thing for us to talk about at church, or claim to "go to Heaven". It's a nitty, gritty reality.

What a sweet, sweet Savior!!!

Soup & Bread

2007-09-20T19:57:00.000-07:00

Now that Fall is finally upon us, it is most certainly time to make a pot of soup, and get the bread baking cranked back up.

Send me some of your favorite soup and bread recipes.

It's In The Air

2007-09-19T17:15:00.000-07:00

Aaaahhh, my fall garden is planted, and it's starting to cool enough to be invigorating. I can feel some creative flow kicking in, and it's a good thing, b/c it's going to be another "homemade Christmas" around here. Beware, if you're on my "trading list" for Christmas, it'll most likely be a homemade gift. I'm so OVER the commericalized Christmas, and am ditching our culture's greed for the simpler things. In the coming weeks I look forward to afternoons of basket weaving, sewing PJ's for my younger children, making soaps, lotions, candles, and creating stamped cards with the kids.

How's the freshness of Fall inspiring you?

Open Hands

2007-09-16T18:03:00.000-07:00

Last night The Dawg was watching a college game that began to feel more personal than entertaining, so he declared that if Alabama lost to Arkansas there would be no more college ball in our home. Mercy!! Our boys would have needed many sessions of therapy for that one!! He cut off the T.V. and "hit the road" taking a mile walk, talking out some frustrations with the Lord. I finished folding a load of clothes, put them away, turned out all the lights in the living room, grabbed a blanket, and went out to sit on the patio (this was around 10:00). I sat for a good while praying and looking a the stars before he got home. He arrived, and I just continued praying and star gazing. After a while, he began to open up, and talk about many things on his mind. He announced that he thinks he may leave the career he has been in for roughly 21 yrs. and "do something else". It's funny, I was just sure a yr. ago when some things were going on in his work situation, that the Lord would intervene and all would be well in no time. NOT SO!! Instead, the Lord has granted us the grace to weather the storms, and see ourselves in the midst. Yuck!! It has provided me with an opportunity to see, and surrender much to the one who knows that I am but dust, and died for me anyway. I'm learning that He's good, regardless of what's going on. I'm also learning that what a very wise, faithful father figure told me yrs. ago is true..."Stacey, hang onto hope, but don't EXPECT". I think he knew me far better than I ever gave him credit for. I'm growing into that. I still have plenty of wiggle room, and thus room to grow. Most likely it will be a work in progress until I'm on the other side. I do feel though, like I am at a place with the Lord where my hands are wide open, willing to go, do, or stay wherever He wants us, and waiting with bated breathe for what's next.

Father,

Thank you for all you've given, all you've taken away, all you have planned, and all you are!!!

Hospitality?

2007-09-08T19:06:00.000-07:00

I think I've had an enlightening thing happen this week. More of a "DUH" thing that anything, but heck, I've learned something, and for that I'll rejoice!

I've had a couple of opportunities arise over the past week and a half where neighbors have had something of a serious nature going on in their lives. You know, especially in the church I grew up in, and maybe in the "old" South, in general, it was just standard to offer a meal, and any help needed. Often times folks know they need the help of a meal prepared for them, or help with housework, or some other practical need, and will refuse the offer. Then you're left with sort of an awkward situation. Usually I have just plowed along and done what's been in my heart to do. It becomes a judgement call.

It dawned on me a week and a half ago when someone was insisting that they may not be at home much after a tragedy, and they didn't know if they would eat a meal there, that one of the best meals I can send to someone is a homemade Chicken Pot Pie, and an Apple Pie. They can freeze the thing for months if needed, or can go ahead and use it, but it's there. I can also make many ahead, and freeze them so I can have them on hand, ready to go at a moment's notice, as is usually the need. I HAVE them, so I can explain to the sweet decline that they are already in the freezer, all I have to do is pull them out, and bring them over. Who can deny that those are also some of the grandest comfort foods?

Soooo...tonight when I got the news that a neighbor's small child is in the hospital with pneumonia I left a message that I was bringing dinner (pot pie meal) would they like it Monday, or Tuesday?

Viola' problem solved!!!!

Blessings

2007-09-07T21:14:00.001-07:00

In life, it's easy to take things for granted. The Lord, Life itself, family, friends, jobs, health, and the like. 'Tis true, we most oft don't know what we have until it's gone, but there are those occasions where we are alert, sensitive enough, and paying enough attention to what we have been blessed with to really bask in God's goodness toward us through Himself, His word, others, nature, etc.

Tonight while sitting in my living room with my husband and a childhood friend, I was struck by God's absolute goodness toward me, and the richness of the soil of friendships he put around my life from very early on. Friendships that I hold dear, that go beyond neat memories to deep, and valuable spiritual connections, chords that can't be broken...

I have told my kids that when I was a girl, I was poor in family, and rich in friends, while they are rich in family, and poor in friends.

Father, thank you for all the friends you have placed and kept in my life. An amazing blessing indeed, and I am basking in it.

Tofu?

2007-09-05T16:40:00.000-07:00

While in Tn. this weekend with The Dawg, I tried a menu item I would not ordinarily get. I purposefully stepped out of my comfort zone and ordered a sandwich with hummus, veggies, and thinly sliced, firm, marinated, baked TOFU on pita with a salad on the side. It was AMAZING!!! Even The Dawg tried it, and liked it. I was most pleasantly surprised.

I decided to try out this discovery on my family, and made my own version. The kids kept asking "are we really having tofu?" as they were helping make hummus, and the marinade. It was almost as though they thought I was playing a joke on them.

Everyone ate a second pita, and our pickiest child even requested seconds on the tofu. I'm thrilled!!!

If you've not ever tried the stuff, give it a spin...

See There!!!

2007-09-02T19:18:00.000-07:00

I told you I took his picture recently!!!! Here he is again, just in another part of Tn.

Round Up

2007-08-25T18:37:00.000-07:00

All summer I have been pondering what to do with about 200 additional square feet of yard that is fenced in behind my garage, and on the side, just off of my garden. It has just been a grassy (really just hearty weeds) part of the yard. I began to imagine how much I could grow in those areas, and provide more garden space for greater production.

I waited until the weather got to a more tolerable heat (around 97) and one morning a couple of weeks ago went out early with my Round Up and started squirting away. It took me a good hour. During that hour I was left in quiet, with no distractions, and had lots to sort out in the quiet spaces. I had some time to get real with the Lord about some things in my life that were bugging me, and some things He's allowed that have hurt. Then, my thoughts turned to the weeds that so easily spring up in my life, and heart. I sort of got angry, if I'm completely honest!! I thought silently, "why on Earth is it that in this scorching heat my pitiful grass is all scorched, and ratty, burned up, and these weeds are just as hearty, and are thriving so well?". I thought, in my frustration, "why mess with the weeds? They ARE green, thriving and hearty".
Then I started thinking about just what it is I want. More area to produce more fruit, and some cutting flowers to add beauty to my garden and home, and share with others. As I've said before, the simple abundances...

I began to feel softened, and for some of the walls that had been up around my heart crumble. I began to open up to the Lord that I want more fruit, and trust his loving hand to come and "round up" the weeds in my heart and life, even in the life of our family. I see Him being so faithful to the invitation into the plots of my life that are riddled with weeds.

Now I have lots of scorched, dead weeds that must be raked, hoed, and removed from the garden once we get enough rain to soften the soil enough to remove them all. After all the weeds are gone, I will till, and begin working the soil, so that it's ready for the next growing season.

Thank you Lord for making me ready for the seasons you have for me.

A Stream Will Never Rise Above It's Source

2007-08-19T19:07:00.000-07:00

Recently I've had a couple of reminders that in the natural realm the old saying about streams is painfully true.

Today we had a particularly glaring instance where someone we all respect very much had his own sin, and baggage get in his way of presenting truth as pure truth. It was one of those times you have to drop back 10 and punt with the kids, and make it clear that said party fumbled.

The Lord is so faithful to use these times as sober reminders. May we always point our children to the purest Source, and be good Representatives.

Know What?

2007-08-19T18:57:00.000-07:00

I don't think Elvis ever REALLY knew how to love Priscilla. He tried when it was too late, then it destroyed him. How tragic!!

Bloomin' Cotton

2007-08-09T10:51:00.000-07:00

Today I went out and found this little treasure. I've never seen a cotton bloom.

Chuck's Cotton

2007-08-08T06:30:00.000-07:00

Late Summer Garden

2007-08-07T07:30:00.000-07:00

Enjoy a few updated pictures.

Dog Days

2007-08-07T06:20:00.000-07:00

Aaaah, August. There is nothing like hot, humid weather to make me long for Fall.

My first "real garden" has proven to be a real learning experience. I have neighbors I will refer to as "Mr. & Mrs. Green" that have been gardening most of their 87 & 84 yrs. They have QUITE a garden, and have the 9 yrs. I have lived here. This is the first garden they have had without corn in 57 yrs. However, they won't be going without green beans or tomatoes this year, that's for sure!!! Their 2 rows of beans have yielded over 100 canned quarts. They have roughly 50 tomato plants out.

Mrs. Green asked me "How's your garden growing?" a couple of weeks ago, and I told her I felt it has been a success apart from great disappointment over my beans. I told her how sickened I am over the difference in Runners, and Bush beans. She said she almost told me not to bother with the Bush Beans, but figured I knew what I wanted. I assured her that any advice is greatly appreciated and VERY welcome. Later that evening she called me over to come "chat a spell" and she had something she wanted to give me. She sent Mr. Green to their deep freezer to get me some Beans (yes, they're runners!!). This variety has been passed down in their family for over 90 yrs. That just amazes me!!!

I got busy the following day pulling up cucumbers. I had pickled roughly 30 lbs. of cukes. I've had my fill!!! I decided that the beans were well worth the space, and it became very important for me to at least put up another 5 qts. I tilled, and made my trellis for the beans to run on. We had a very good soaking rain, followed by very hot weather. Within the past week my beans have sprouted, and grown about 7". I'm hopeful that I will end up with a good yield before frost.

The Lord has faithfully used this garden to comfort, and encourage me this Summer. I don't much like summer, but this time of sewing and reaping make the season much more bearable for me. It's also served as a great reminder of just how all the various blessings and trials work together to bring about greater fruit.

Like Mrs. Green said upon exiting my garden early in the season, "How could any man plant a bean, over time watch it grow, and deny the existence of a good God?".